Blameless
by lynnmichelle
Summary: Kara centric piece focusing on her thoughts and deeds once she realizes the extent of Lee’s relationship with another woman on Galactica. Lee's POV when he deals with the fall out. Helo friendship thrown in for good measure. Spoilers for Season 2.
1. Chapter 1

**Blameless**

Content Warning – This is a darker kind of fic.There will be implied violence in future chapters before it gets better.  
Spoilers – Yep – I think through 2.13 based upon spoilers I've read.

Disclaimer - Not mine, never will be. Just borrowing as a distraction from real life. The characters are owned by Ron Moore, NBC Universal etc but this story is owned by me.

_A/N - If you are reading this since you have me on your author alert due to my SG-1 fics PLEASE give it's Sci-fi Friday companion, Battlestar Galacticaa chance! It's just as shippy and just as angsty - just a different couple. (BTW - the next chapter of Instant Message is being typed now.)_

* * *

Kara had never imagined she could hurt that badly. 

After everything she had been through, her dysfunctional childhood and subsequent problems with authority which began in High School, that continued through her time in the academy. Which still plagued her to this day. Zak's death and the blame she placed upon herself for it. All of these experiences hadn't prepared her for that moment.

One would have imagined that it should have. That all of the anguish and disappointment would have served as least as a minor preparation, but in that moment of abject misery, no prior experiences were of any assistance to her.

She had seen the look herself, so it wasn't as if she could simply ignore it. Chalk it up to someone else's vivid imagination. Nope. She had been there working on the Blackbird when Lee had walked up to the aircraft. He had a slight smirk on his face which she knew signified his internal struggle to keep inside the mocking he was generating in his head. The usual banter began between them, the subject of the day being the design of the plane itself. She clearly remembered his words that ridiculed the positioning of the cockpit which she countered with ease.

The to and fro of their words were assuming their usual rhythm when suddenly it broke. She had looked up at that moment and couldn't miss the surprised look on Lee's face as Dee slid out from beneath the undercarriage. But there was something else in his face that she recognized clearly. A look that he usually reserved for her when she walked into a room. When he thought no-one else was watching. A unique look that rolled excitement and affection into one.

She watched as his eyes lit up and there it was. Acknowledgment that the nuggets weren't in fact out of their frakking minds. She was.

She had been in the head taking a shower when the nuggets had come in yakking and laughing about the hand to hand training which they'd just finished with Apollo. She had tried to drown them out in her mind until she heard their gossiping about how the CAG had found himself in a compromising position with Petty Officer Dualla. In front of her own boyfriend. Mocking catcalls bounced off the shower walls as the pilots went into sordid detail as to where they thought the pair would have ended their "hand to hand combat" if Billy hadn't walked in.

She laughed to herself thinking just how little these men and women truly knew about Lee's wants and desires. What idiot's they'd feel if they knew that just weeks before, Lee had told her, Kara Thrace, that he loved her. She was shocked herself at his admission and had fallen into one of her typical defense mechanisms to hide that shock. She had teased him mercilessly, so much so that he had tried to take it back attempting to make it sound like he loved her like a friend. Only as a friend.

But she knew otherwise and it was that knowledge that kept her warm at night. That gave her hope that the fight with the Cylons was still worth fighting. That after everything she had endured back on Caprica, her future held hope. That her life was worth living.

And she knew then with certainty that she loved him and that it was meant to be. As soon as the war was over, and protocol allowed, they would be together.

But as she sat on the stealth aircraft watching the amorous looks pass between Lee and the Petty Officer, a crack began to show in her well conceived fantasy.

And from that moment on, the doubt began to grow with each minute that passed. The more she thought about it, the clearer it became to her. He had told her the truth. He loved her as a friend and that was all. He loved her as the orphan of his brother's life. Someone who had no one else left in the world to love her and was, by default, adopted with pity by the Adama's.

Lee had told her before she went to retrieve the Arrow of Apollo exactly what he thought of her. To him she was simply a pilot who couldn't keep her pants on. Certainly not romance novel material. And he had hit her. A definite sign that he viewed her as a pilot and not a woman. Because even though she had struck out first, he was the son of the Commander and no son of William Adama would ever hit a woman. She was asexual to him. Someone who was there to hang out with on a lonely evening or cold morning. Someone with whom he could play in a plane.

And even if he had viewed her differently before, Kara knew that she had returned from Cylon captivity even less of a woman. She had never admitted her desire to be considered wife and mother material to anyone and now was glad she hadn't. It would never be and so with these thoughts in mind Kara continued living.

If you could call it that. She took more risks with her life than ever including taking the blackbird out on it's trial run. During the first few shaky moments of flight she truly wasn't sure if she wanted to live or if her untimely death in the black, thrown together aircraft, would be a fitting end to her miserable existence.

Having survived that experience, she drank more than ever before and it was in search of ambrosia and oblivion that led her to the bar on the Cloud Nine that night. A night which would live in infamy for Kara, Lee and a nobody marine.


	2. Oblivion Desired

**Chapter 2 – Oblivion Desired**

* * *

Kara took a late shuttle to Cloud Nine.

She wanted to avoid the pseudo couples who often took the earlier transports, with their longing looks and twitching hands. Military personnel who threw the regs out the airlock to fulfill their lust. She knew that her viewpoint was a cynical one. Sure, she admitted begrudgingly to herself, maybe some were in love, or at least thought they were, but she preferred to believe that they were all just looking for a quick frak in the never ending cold of space. Then she could pretend that she was normal, just like everyone else. Not some emotionally numb, fraked up shadow of a woman. Nope, that wasn't her. Kara Thrace was normal and psychologically healthy. She laughed to herself at the ridiculous notion knowing that she was "screw-up" epitomized.

She stepped off the shuttle and headed purposefully towards the bar. She knew what she wanted from that night and was determined to get it. She wanted to forget Lee Adama through the best means available to her since the worlds had ended. Fine ambrosia. But it had to be the good stuff for true success. The cheap crap that she could find on most of the remaining ships of the fleet would make her a loud, angry drunk. Instead of forgetting her "friend", she would focus on him, getting increasingly belligerent with every mouthful of the liquor. With the cheap booze she usually ended up in a fist fight by the end of the night, sick and hung over in the hack by morning. That kind of experience was one that she wanted to avoid that night.

She wanted the smooth oblivion that came with the good stuff. Slowly with each sip, Lee Adama would be driven from her memory until the night would end in a peaceful drunken sleep. One that would include no dreams. No dreams of the man with the piercing blue eyes and hands that held her chance at happiness.

Kara signaled the youngest, best looking, barman and smiled at him. No matter what Apollo may think, she was after all a woman, and she knew that if she charmed the barman he would be a little more heavy handed with his pouring of the fine liquid and oblivion would arrive sooner. She hadn't put much thought into her appearance, hell she didn't need to get all dressed up to get drunk. So that night she wore jeans and a sea foam green top. No big deal to Kara.

Never the less, she received many admiring glances from the men seated near the bar area. For they saw something in Kara that she failed to see in herself. They saw a beautiful woman with hair of gold that fell just above her shoulders, tousled just right, crying out to be touched. They saw a blouse that set off her eyes and plunged just low enough to show a glimpse of milky white breast. And they saw every curve held within the jeans that told them that even if she was the greatest viper pilot left in the fleet, she was all woman. Maybe even a goddess. And every man would have loved to have had the opportunity that night to find out of what this deity tasted.

Especially one man who was sitting in a booth out of Kara's direct line of vision from her stool at the bar. He had seen her arrive and simultaneously his heart and his eyes had turned to ice. He was fighting desperately to control his breathing, to pull his gaze away from her but she was like a magnet to him. No matter how much he tried to pull himself from her, he was inexplicably drawn to her. It had always been that way for him. A losing battle that he continued to wage deep within.

He inhaled just as his Mother had always told him. In through the nose, out through the mouth. A slow and steady chant that he muttered quietly to himself. "In through the nose, out through the mouth". He needed to regain his composure before his companion returned. If he didn't he knew that things could get more than a little awkward. As he took a gulp of his Ambrosia he noticed Kara's head turn slightly and her eyes narrowed, as if watching something. Or someone.

He followed her line of sight and stared, helpless to do anything, as she watched Dee make her way from the ladies toilet across the room to him. Kara's gaze came to rest on him at the same time Dee made it to the table and their eyes locked. He held his breath waiting for Kara's reaction, only vaguely aware of Dee sliding into the booth beside him.

And there it was. Barely perceptible. A look of betrayal held within her eyes that he simply could not ignore. However, within a split second the look turned to pure hatred and Kara raised her glass as if to salute him. She knocked back the green liquid in one shot, throwing her head back in an exaggerated gesture. She turned to the bar without letting herself look back in his direction, cursing her bad luck. At that moment, she hated herself beyond belief for being so weak as to feel betrayed by Lee. Hating that she was so in need of his love and affection. Hating herself that she wasn't who Lee wanted. Who he needed in his life.

She moved on her bar stool and leaned forward, propped her elbows on the bar and rested her chin in her hands. She would forget him that night one way or another. As she motioned for another drink she let her gaze wander to peruse the men in the room. If Ambrosia wasn't going to be enough to help her wipe him from her memory then Ambrosia combined with another man just might.

She wasn't too picky. He simply needed to be reasonably good looking, have a hair color other than brown, eye color other than blue and be reasonably drunk. And so Kara's search for the perfect guy began in earnest.


	3. Any Jarhead will do

**Chapter 3 - Any Jarhead will do.  
**

**Spoilers – Yep – I think through 2.17.  
**

Disclaimer - Not mine, never will be. Just borrowing as a distraction from real life. The characters are owned by Ron Moore, NBC Universal etc but this story is owned by me.

A/N - Sorry this has been such a long time coming. I promise to try and post a chapter per week from now on.

* * *

On any other night the pickings of the male population in the bar would have been considered quite good. However, that night Kara was looking for someone very specific, or rather someone with some very specific attributes. There were plenty of good looking men but that was a plus, not a prerequisite. There were a number she could tell were gentlemen. They were the ones who were sitting back, watching politely, trying desperately to make eye contact with her so they could then come over and start a conversation. Definitely not what she needed right then. 

As her search continued, Kara felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned to face a man who she had seen before but couldn't immediately place. He opened his mouth to speak and she was hit by the smell of alcohol fumes. Score one! "Hey Baby!", he crooned with only a slight booze induced hesitation. Score two! He rested his hand on her knee and settled himself onto the stool beside her at the bar. She smiled as she noted that he hadn't even asked if he could join her let alone fondle her. Score three!

He also hadn't mentioned her name nor her rank she realized, although she knew that he had to know both, as it clicked into place who he was. A marine from the Pegasus. And you weren't the first woman CAG on that particular battlestar without word getting out about you. She knew that she outranked him and that was a very good thing. She was in a position of power and whether the jarhead thought she would exploit it or not was irrelevant. She knew she could if she wanted to and that made this particular man a winner for Kara.

She turned her full attention, and all of her gods given assets, towards him and for the first time really looked at him. He was tall, about 6" 3', with black hair and dark brown eyes, eyes she was sure some girl could easily lose herself in. He was very well built and Kara chuckled to herself as she noticed his hands which were really quite large. She glanced at his feet and actually had to catch herself before she laughed out loud. If the old adage had any truth to it, she was in for a good time. Knowing that he would need little or no persuasion, but having made the decision that this was the 'big boy' who would frak her to the point of oblivion, she was going to make sure he was well and truly wound up before she would risk leaving the bar with him.

Subconsciously she also wanted to get a little bit under the skin of the high and mighty Apollo, who she could sense was surreptitiously watching her. He'd gone all holier than thou on her, accusing her of being a pilot who couldn't keep her pants on. A fluffier way of calling her a slut she knew. He had a problem with the idea that she had found drunken solace in the bed of the Vice President when he had rejected her the night of the Colonial Ball. I was ironic then that he had no problem with the fact that he himself was now flagrantly breaking regulations by frakking a junior officer without a drink in sight. The gods damned hypocrite!

If she were to be honest with herself though, what really stung wasn't his affair with a junior officer, just that the junior officer he choose hadn't been her. Even when they'd had a drunken encounter a few weeks prior, after she'd practically offered herself up to him, he had pushed her away. She was there, ready and willing, laying on the desk in the senior officers bunkroom, telling him with her every movement that she wanted him.

But he had stopped what she had started, wanting instead to talk about their frakked up friendship.

"What about us?", he had asked.

Gods, she was so disappointed that he had pushed her away once again, that she could hardly form a coherent sentence. What the hell had he been talking about? No matter what Kara had wanted, he had made it perfectly clear once more that he didn't want her.

"There is no us!", she had managed to get out in her mortified frustration. "There is nothing here", she said, motioning back and forth between them. "Don't you get that?", she asked, heart-broken that he was rejecting her so completely when she was laying her feelings wide open for him to see.

She had desperately needed to change the subject while she threw on her previously discarded clothes and spouted the first piece of drivel that came to mind. Anders!

"I am hung up on a dead guy, ok?", she said, panic rising up within her, "and it's pissing me off and I don't know what I'm doing".

And by gods Lee knew right away who she meant and he refused to give her the emotional pass she was wordlessly pleading from him.

"Listen, you are fine", he retorted, "you are fine with the dead guys. It's the living ones you can't deal with!"

She felt like he had slapped her and she slapped him right back. Literally. And that's when she finally recognized that he would never want her. He would never be hers. She had nothing left to lose since she could never gain from him. She kissed him knowing that it was the last kiss she would ever give to the man who held her heart and she poured her soul into it, not caring that Lee would without a doubt know the love she felt for him.

And then she left.

It hadn't helped that she had then frakked up her relationship with Lee in probably the most undeniably symbolic way when she shot him on the very same ship she now found herself. And that one action had once and for all driven the wedge called Dee between them, an action that Kara took as Lee's ultimate rejection of her as a woman.

Which was why she reached out and touched the marine's arm, stroking her thumb slowly against his bicep. He registered the contact and smiled leeringly at her, realizing that he might have hit pay dirt with the legendary pilot. Adjusting to ensure that she was directly in Lee's line of sight, she leaned forward, giving both men a full view of her cleavage. She looked up into the closer man's face as she began a conversation of meaningless small talk and saw the lust he held for her there. She stroked his thigh and felt him tense slightly. She giggled at him sweetly knowing that he was definitely primed for her. She sensuously eased herself from the stool, making sure she brushed her inner thigh off his knee on her descent.

"Let's go find somewhere more private", she stated, as she took his hand and smiled.

"Whatever you say, sir!", had been the triumphant response and as Kara lead him from the bar, she knew that many pairs of eyes were on her. However, she only cared about the ice blue ones that were piercing a hole in her back.

As if it were an after-thought, when she reached the door, she turned and caught his stare. She cocked her head to the side as if questioning his interest in her actions, smiled slightly and clearly mouthed the words "Have fun!".

Without waiting for his response, she turned quickly away and left with her nameless jarhead in tow.


	4. Exorcism

**Chapter 4 – Exorcism**

A/N - Thanks to my wonderful beta, Martha, for her feedback on this chapter.

PS I know it's said in the main section but it's worth saying again - Warning - there is implied violence in this chapter.

* * *

Lee hadn't been looking for Kara. In fact he had been doing a great job of avoiding her since he had last seen her the night before leaving the bar on Cloud Nine. 

Although Kara hadn't seen Lee's expression after she had taunted him with her latest conquest, Dee had and she was not happy to see the anger and jealousy that blazed in his eyes. He had thought that he had his emotions firmly in check but unfortunately he had lost his cool for the exact second that his date was looking directly at him.

As he walked down one of the many corridors of Galactica, he shook his head as he remembered the harsh words that he and Dee had exchanged and the soul searching that had followed.

"_Lee, why are you looking at her like that?"_

"_Who?"_

"_Don't act coy with me, Commander! It doesn't suit you and frankly it doesn't become your rank."_

"_I don't know what you're talking about, Petty Officer."_

"_Starbuck. Starbuck is who I'm talking about"._

"_What about her?"_

"_Gods Lee. I'm not stupid. I have eyes you know. Why do you have a problem that she just left with that guy?"_

"_Dee, I don't have any problem. I'm here with you, so can you drop it so we can get back to our evening?"_

"_You know something Lee. You and I may be the ones together in this room right now, but Starbuck's always around you, like some kind of wraith. Don't you see it? She haunts you. She damn well haunts us and I'm tired of it. Either you exorcise Kara Thrace from our relationship or we won't have one anymore!"_

_She didn't wait for his reply after the last vicious word left her lips, simply stood up and rushed out of the bar. She didn't returned and he didn't go after her. He was too angry at her to do so, knowing that he would more than likely end up saying something he'd later regret. As he stared into his Ambrosia, he simmered, wondering where the hell she got off talking to him like that. He threw back his drink in one shot and the warm liquid burnt his throat. _

_He wondered when his relationship with Dee had changed from one of 'casual friends with privileges', to one where she had the right to make demands of him. He snorted to himself as he remembered when she had told him of Billy's proposal right before the younger man had been shot. At the time, he had made his feelings and intentions towards her perfectly clear. He'd have been just as happy to leave Dee and her ex-boyfriend to kiss and make up, and the thought that he might have been more than just a bystander in her decision to break the poor bastard's heart just before he died, made him sick. _

_If that were in fact the case, maybe she was one of the more unstable of the women in his life and when he thought about the company he kept, that was saying something – Laura Roslin, Ellen Tigh, Sharon Valleri, Racetrack, Cally, Starbuck … or was it Kara? _

_He paused as he went to lift his glass to his lips again. Was she really two different people or was it just that he had a different perception of her in and out of uniform? Starbuck and Kara. One was the subordinate pilot and the other his dead brother's fiancée. Were either his friend anymore? He gently replaced his glass on the table realizing it was empty. Anger returned as Dee's words reverberated around his mind. "Starbuck's always around you, like some kind of wraith." No matter what his relationship with Kara was, Dee had absolutely no frakking right to even talk about his involvement with her, let alone demand that he change it. Kara was a part of his family, a part of his life, and as the fire burned in his chest, and the adrenaline of anger pumped through his blood, he finally admitted to himself that Kara Thrace was a part of him._

_He didn't know how to define exactly what that part was but it didn't matter. Dee's outburst had made him realize that whatever it was, it was vital to him and losing it would be tantamount to losing a piece of his soul. It wasn't an outcome he deemed to be acceptable and he berated himself for letting things get so ugly and out of control between them._

_He ordered another drink and sipped it slowly thinking about what needed to be done to mend what had been broken in such a ragged, violent way. How one did that, he didn't know, but he was smart enough to conclude that no matter what else had to be done, he needed to be man enough to reach out to her before the divide that separated them became too wide. _

_But not that night. It had waited that long, one more night couldn't hurt. He couldn't deal with what could be an emotionally tumultuous conversation, when he'd had a couple too many drinks and had a morning meeting with his Father on the Galactica. _

_Lee glanced at his watch and hoped that Dee wouldn't be on the next raptor back to Galactica. He prayed that Kara wouldn't be on the next raptor back to Galactica. _

_In the end, neither woman took the trip back to the Battlestar with him and he found himself silently wishing that that Kara was already asleep in her bed, knowing as the soft words left his lips that he was kidding himself. She was probably still on Cloud Nine partying with the jarhead and that idea, for some reason that Lee couldn't comprehend, left a hollow pit in his stomach._

_Once he arrived on Galactica, he'd gone to the Senior Officer's bunkroom via the CAG's office but Kara hadn't been there. Not that he'd been checking up on her. He'd slept in his old rack, not wanting to be anywhere near her when she arrived back on board smelling of sex and booze. _

_He'd woken early after a restless few hours of nightmare filled sleep._

And so it was that while Lee hadn't been looking for Kara when he had begun his walk down one of the many corridors of the old ship, he now was on a mission to find her.

His recollection of the past eight hours had made him come to the infuriating conclusion that he couldn't live this way any longer. It was killing him not seeing Kara every day. Not even having her on the same ship as him. His wingman. His friend. His … whatever.

And in those early hours of the morning, he knew that it was time to face her. Time to put an end to the rift that had formed between them and figure out some kind of friendship with which they both could live. For once, Starbuck and Apollo were going to have to actually talk to one another, really communicate their feelings, and then, before too many people stirred, was as good a time as any.

Lee walked with a determined stride towards the CAG's office, now knowing what he needed to do. He would wake Kara and ask, not order, her to have an early breakfast with him. He figured that if they went to a public place they may be less inclined to descend to their normal button pushing low point.

He got to the door and stared at the metal while his heart pounded in his ears. If he had any hope of this going right, it needed to go right from minute one. But he wasn't sure he would be able to accomplish that as he would probably have to wake her quite rudely, having to knock loudly to get a hung-over Starbuck to wake. It wasn't like old times when she was in a bunk and he could gently rouse her. No, this, like everything else in their relationship had become harsh and complicated.

He knocked softly, hoping that she was in fact already awake since then he wouldn't be disturbing her more than he already was. He waited, breath held, listening for sounds of her moving. Nothing.

Damn, he cursed as he knocked louder. He heard no movement at all from the other side of the door and became unreasonably concerned. He knew that she had to be in there as there were no raptors, or shuttles, from Cloud Nine that would have gotten her back in time for her morning briefing with his father. His imagination got the better of him, as images of an unconscious Kara filled his mind. He knew that she needed him to get to her, so he didn't hesitate before he began to type in the code at the control panel that unlocked the door, praying that she hadn't bothered to change it since her promotion.

As the door unlocked, he paused, wondering what he would do if he barged into the room and she was merely in a deep sleep. He nodded to himself as he realized he would then have the opportunity to wake her gently. He quietly opened the door, in case she was asleep, or worse, in a compromising position that would earn him a fist to his jaw.

He looked around the room and didn't see the woman for whom he was searching. Lee frowned and his worry began to grow. Turning to leave, he heard a noise which caused him to turn around. He walked towards the back of the office and heard the distinctive sound of water running, which was masking another sound. A sound that immediately caused goose bumps to cover his body as fear chilled him.

Kara was crying and Starbuck never cried. His body inched forward towards the bathroom while his brain yelled at him to leave her office immediately. He was uninvited into her room, and her life, at the moment and he didn't know what the repercussions would be when she learned he was there. But he found himself powerless to back away and stepped into the bathroom staring in confusion at the sight before him.

Kara stood with her back towards him as she leant forward, resting her hands against the tiled shower wall, letting what obviously was cold water stream over her naked body. He immediately recognized her golden hair plastered against her scalp and her beautifully toned figure. What he didn't recognize, and couldn't comprehend, were the black, blue and red colors that filled his vision. For before him stood the warrior Starbuck with finger marks on her upper arms, nail marks on her back, and as his sight moved lower, he saw rapidly forming bruises on her lower buttocks and thighs.

His brain tried desperately to catch up with the messages that his optic nerves were sending and when it did, his confusion turned to horror.

TBC


	5. MotherFrakker

A/N - All I'm going to say is I'm sorry for the delay and I promise this story will be completed ... although I can't promise exactly when. Thanks for your perserverance and your feedback. I'm missing my motivation right now so any I can receive will be greatly appreciated.

* * *

Chapter 5 – Mother-Frakker 

Lee's feet felt like lead weights as he stood in the bathroom staring at the naked back of Kara Thrace. His brain was filled with voices screaming at him to walk away as her body began to turn towards him. But still he didn't move, simply holding his breath, the ridiculous thought entering his mind that if he didn't move, then she wouldn't see him.

She was now facing him but the scream of anger did not come and the fear within him increased further. He looked closely at her, trying to figure out why she had not reacted to his presence. The explanation was very simple. Kara had her eyes squeezed tightly shut and he could see tears mingling with the shower water that streamed down her face. She held a hand to her mouth as if trying to muffle the choking sobs that escaped, despite her obvious effort.

Kara gulped, trying to swallow her cries, as words spilled uncontrollably from her mouth. "Why not me? Why not me?"

He watched, transfixed, as she let her body fall back against the cold wet tiles and slowly, inch by inch, sliding down as if there were some unseen presence forcing her to sit. As she did, Lee took in her body, an object he had always viewed as revered beauty. But as she sat on the floor, curled up with her knees against her chest, arms pulling her legs into her tighter still, water continuing to beat down on her, he was appalled by the injuries he saw.

And then he noticed it. At least one vivid red bite mark on Kara's otherwise milky white breast and without warning he was overcome with the taste of bile in his mouth. He inhaled slowly and deeply to keep from vomiting. He took one last look at his friend, crouched broken on the wet floor, turned and quietly left the room with a frightening sense of clarity and renewed sense of purpose, the misheard words echoing in his mind.

"Why me? Why me?"

* * *

Lee strode through the hallways of Galactica, staring straight ahead, making eye contact with no-one along his journey. Not that anyone who encountered the Commander would have thought to strike up a conversation with the man with his fists clenched so tight his knuckles were white and eyes dark with hatred. No-one knew the reason behind his anger, but none could mistake that it was there. 

As he walked, Lee felt the pressure building within his veins as if his blood was literally boiling. He knew that he had to calm down or he would end up lashing out at the first crewman who looked at him sideways. His Mom's voice began to resonate in his head. "In through the nose, out through the mouth", and within a few yards he found himself chanting the mantra in time to the rhythm of his stride.

He could sense his blood pressure dropping as he walked onto the hanger deck, quickly surveying the activity around him as deckhands went about their daily routine. Viper parts were strewn on carts and the legs of enlisted men in orange could be seen from under wings. Lee nodded to himself as he spotted his quarry.

"Chief," he called out across the deck and immediately Chief Galen Tyrol turned upon hearing his rank. The men walked towards each other and as they met, Tyrol spoke in a calm even tone.

"Commander Adama, what can I do for you?"

A man of few words at the best of times, he knew Lee well enough, even after the short time they had served together on Galactica, to know that now was not a good time for small talk.

"I need a raptor to take me back to the Beast ASAP please Chief", Lee replied in an equally measured tone, one which he found hard to maintain, as his thoughts drifted back to the battered and broken woman he had left just five minutes before.

The Chief sensed that the man who stood beside him was wound tight, holding back, ready to spring into action. He had no idea what had brought the superior officer to that point, but he knew that it was best if he got him where he wanted to go with as little delay as possible.

"Lieutenant Agathon can be in the air in five minutes, if that works for you sir?"

Lee found himself slowly nodding his head in affirmation, thinking it ironic that Kara's precious Gods were intervening to have her friend, Helo, assist in delivering him to his ship. Providing the means for him to dispense justice to the mother-frakker who had hurt her.

"Fine", he whispered, and then waited, unmoving, as he watched the launch preparations. As he did, he couldn't help but notice the brief conversation between the Chief and Helo as the deck chief obviously explained the situation to the lollipop sucking raptor pilot. He saw him raise his eyebrows at something the other man told him and quickly attempt to recover as Lee caught his gaze shifting towards him.

Uncaring as to Helo's speculation, Lee decided that it was time to get going and walked, purposefully towards the raptor. He boarded and without hesitation took the pilot seat. Only seconds passed before he heard a voice behind him.

"So I'll just be your ECO for this trip then, eh?" the sarcasm deliberately dripping off his tongue .

For a moment or two, Lee smirked and then replied without emotion, "Yes, Lieutenant, if you don't mind".

"Not at all, Sir," Helo replied, as he began flicking switches on the panel in front of him. Lee started the engines and upon clearance from CIC, launched into space.

Without any further discussion or agreement, the men flew to the Pegasus in silence and an eerie peace engulfed the journey.

TBC


	6. Confessions of a little girl

Chapter 6 – Confessions of a little girl

Commander Lee Adama had never been what Lieutenant Karl Agathon could describe as a friend. But it had been clear to him from the moment he had stepped foot on the Astral Queen with Kara all those months ago, that she and Lee definitely were friends. Or at the very least they were … something. It was difficult to exactly define what that something was since there was such a fine line between love and hate with them, and on any given day, they could veer dangerously close to one direction rather than the other.

And there were days when Karl, or Helo as most people called him, wanted to hate Lee for everything he put Kara through. But he couldn't, because he had understood early on that most of the time Lee didn't even realize that he was hurting her. Even to Helo it was obvious that the great Apollo, golden child of the fleet, perfect in so many ways, was oblivious to the strength of Kara's feelings for him. And she ensured, through her words, and the sarcasm that usually enveloped them, that it remained that way.

Helo remembered when she had quietly admitted to him late one night, after the other pilots were asleep and the man in question was safely tucked up in bed on the Pegasus, that Lee had told her once that he loved her. She had peeked out at Helo through her long eyelashes, waiting for a reaction. When he merely raised an eyebrow and stayed silent, she continued in a schoolgirl like hurry.

She stumbled over her words as she explained to him that she knew Lee hadn't really meant it. That he felt obliged to say it because she had been missing and thought dead. Because they had had their now infamous smack down, drag out, you punch me, I'll punch you right back, fight. Because his father had been shot and he needed to feel alive, to feel he had someone left in his life to love.

By that point Kara had pulled herself into a ball-like shape with her arms tightly pulling her knees into her chest and her chin tucked on top of her knees. She looked so vulnerable, so sad, and Helo felt the need to comfort her. But before he could reach out to touch her, she had looked at him and maybe because she had thought he wasn't buying it, or because it was her comfortable fall back position, or because it was the reason she truly believed, she told him that Lee had simply told her that he loved her out of a sense of duty to his dead brother. Filling the shoes that Zak, as her fiancé, would have filled.

Helo had sat in shocked silence for a moment, absorbing the insecurities that had flowed from the mouth of the beautiful, talented, emotionally frakked-up blonde who sat next to him. And then he began to slowly shake. He could see Kara's confusion as the shaking of his large frame intensified, and as her eyes widened he felt bad for her but found himself unable to stop.

He was laughing so hard while trying desperately not to make a sound that would certainly wake the sleeping pilots around them. Tears started to stream down his cheeks as the effort became too much for him and a guttural, yet strangely squeaky sound left his mouth. This small outburst was all Helo had needed to regain his composure and he chuckled softly to himself.

Understanding dawned on Kara, a woman who definitely did not like to feel she was being mocked, especially after she had spilled her guts to her supposed friend, and she demanded that he explain what the frak she found so funny. His expression softened as he looked at the woman for whom he held such affection and asked one outwardly simple question.

Was it possible that Lee Adama simply loved her because she was Kara Thrace, the woman he loved simply because of who she was, the woman he loved because his heart had given him no choice not to?

He had watched sadly as she had slowly shaken her head from side to side, unable to verbalize the word as tears began to fall, drop by heart-wrenching drop, from her eyelashes completing the tableau of the heart-broken woman. At that moment the great warrior Starbuck did not exist. All he saw was a girl who desperately wanted a boy to love her. He had moved closer and engulfed her in his large frame rocking her gently until she cried herself to sleep.

They had never spoken of it again and Kara had thrown herself into her belief that Sam Anders was the man for her. And Helo had gone along with it. If Kara wanted to kid herself that the ex-pyramid player, turned resistance fighter, was a better fit for her than Lee, then who was he to stop her. Actually, he had tried once, pointing out to her that he was the only human still alive to have seen her with both Sam and Lee and told her that she should remember that vacation romances were merely that.

His line of thinking had earned him a right hook to the jaw and gained her his outward silence on the topic.

* * *

It was this train of thought that was racing through Helo's mind as a loud cough brought him back to reality. He looked up to find Commander Adama staring at him from the pilot seat of the Raptor.

"Is there something wrong, Lieutenant?", Lee asked as an amused expression flickered across his face.

"Funny. That's exactly what I was about to ask you", Helo replied without thinking.

"What did you say, Lieutenant?", Lee demanded amusement giving way to annoyance with every word.

Helo paused, took a deep breath and jumped in where few men dared to go.

"Permission to speak freely, sir?"

TBC

* * *

A/N - Thanks to everyone who is still reading this little story even though this is taking me so long to write - I hope you're still enjoying it.


	7. Confessions of a Viper Pilot

**Chapter 7 - Confessions of a Viper Pilot**

A/N - Sorry. Can you forgive me for the delay?

* * *

Lee looked at Helo with icy blue eyes as if trying to discern the raptor pilot's line of thinking. He had recently come to understand that Helo was a good man who had made a few bad decisions after listening to his frakked up heart. So with only a perceptible pause, he gave Helo the permission he had requested.

"It's ironic that in relation to Kara, you and I are viewed in a very similar fashion", Helo began in a calm and even manner. Lee openly bristled at the use of Kara's name but managed to stay silent signaling the other man to continue.

"In case you haven't heard, people think that either we are like a brother to her or we're frakking her. And I'm definitely not frakking her since I view her as the little sister I never had. But you are her dead fiancé's brother which might make the situation a little different for you. So speaking as her surrogate big brother, where do you stand with Kara, Lee? I don't believe you're sleeping with her, so do you see yourself as a brother to her or do you just not give a shit at all?", Helo finished with the same gentle tone with which he had begun hoping that Lee would see his intrusion for what it was. Merely looking out for Kara.

Lee's immediate impulse was to lash out at the insubordinate crewman who sat before him but resignation took over and he sighed leaning forward in his seat, resting his elbows on his knees, his head in his hands.

"I don't know", was his barely audible response. It was now Helo's turn to remain quiet as Lee contemplated what he would say next. He had never considered Helo to be a friend but he was now more sure than ever that he had Kara's best interests at heart. If ever he had an opportunity to talk about her to someone he could trust not to spread it around the fleet, it was now.

Decision made, Lee looked into the taller man's face and all that he showed was vulnerability, a state in which Helo was not used to seeing Apollo.

"Can you promise that none of this will go back to Kara?", Lee asked and he was met with a nod.

"Yes so long as you promise to act on any revelations that come to you from your use of me as a sounding board. Deal?"

"Deal".

Helo popped a new bright red lollipop into his mouth and sat back, arms folded, to listen knowing that no-one on the Pegasus crew would rush their Commander from the Raptor especially since he hadn't been due back until later that day.

And so Lee talked. He spoke of his confusion over Kara's feelings for him. The fact that every time he got close to her, she pushed him away. That he had told her he loved her and she had mocked and taunted him, making him feel a fool for hoping she felt the same way. That she had come on to him one night when they were drinking together, kissing him and taking him to her bed. Making him think that she was finally admitting that she had romantic feelings for him.

But then, when he had wanted to slow things down, to truly show her how he felt, she had pushed him away both physically and emotionally, telling him that all she wanted from him was a quick frak and throwing her feelings for Sam Anders in his face. Telling him out straight that there was no "us", that as far as she was concerned there was nothing between them. He had argued with her and she had slapped him. Not punched, he emphasized, but slapped, like Kara not Starbuck, and then she had kissed him with such passion and emotion before racing out of the bunkroom. She had left him totally perplexed, a state in which he remained.

Sometimes he would catch her staring at him while at other times she would openly flirt with other men. He shook his head in bewilderment and Helo knew it was now time for him to join the conversation.

"Do you still love Kara?"

Lee looked down and shook his head. Helo's heart sank thinking that no chance for Kara's happiness could be found. But then Lee looked up and whispered.

"Yes, I do".

Helo breathed a silent breath of relief and continued while the other man was still willing to open up about his feelings.

"Did you ever explain to her why you love her?"

Lee replied immediately.

"Of course she knows".

"That's not what I asked Lee. Have you sat her down, while both of you are calm and sober and given her the reasons why you love her?"

"Well … No."

"Ok. What about Dee?"

Lee sat bolt upright and stiffened, having not thought of her since he had gone in search of Kara early that morning. Helo raised both of his hands in the air in a symbolic act of surrender, moved his lollipop to the side of his mouth, and gently spoke.

"It's ok. Ok. If she's off-limits to this conversation that's ok, but I think she's part of the equation, and that needs to be considered here."

Lee's body sagged as he absorbed the words, knowing he was right. His relationship with Dee was definitely something he needed to deal with in the near future but he had never considered her to be a substitute for Kara. How the hell could she even begin to be? He chuckled softly at the ludicrous idea.

"Wanna share?", Helo asked with a cocked eyebrow.

"Believe it or not Dee actually has nothing to do with my feelings for Kara. Something I've tried hard to explain to her. Any problems between Kara and I are precisely that. Problems between Kara and I. But I see your point. Maybe being with Dee might make it hard for Kara to believe that I love her".

It was Helo's turn to chuckle .

"Well, Commander, that has to be the greatest understatement since the end of the worlds."

His expression turned somber as he asked what to Helo was the most important question of the moment.

"What next?"

Lee did not immediately answer, simply looking down at his hands as if searching for inspiration.

"Lee, you need to do something, anything, to let her know that you love her, something basic that will leave her in no doubt for once. Do you think you can do that?"

He received a smile in answer to his question.

"It's strange you should ask but I definitely can do that."

He raised himself out of the pilot seat and walked purposefully towards the raptor door. He began his descent from the craft but stopped and turned back to the man whom he had now begun to possibly think of as a friend. He searched his face and made eye contact.

"In fact it's exactly what you brought me here to do."

Without giving Helo a chance to ask for an explanation, Lee turned, lowered himself to the hanger deck and walked away.

TBC


	8. Hunt for a motherfrakker

Chapter 8 – Hunt for a mother-frakker

The walk through the halls of the Pegasus could not have been more different than the one he had taken on the Galactica only an hour prior. He made eye contact with each and every one of his crew that happened to pass him en route. To those he knew, he even offered a smile as the feeling of content that had washed over him at the end of his conversation with Helo stayed with him.

The purpose of his return to the Beast remained the same. To find and then annihilate the mother-frakking marine who had hurt Kara. His anger was intact in that regard but it had somehow shifted. He hadn't fully comprehended where his fury and his need to avenge Kara had come from and why those emotions had been so strong. So all encompassing. But now he did.

He loved Kara Thrace. When it all boiled down to it, it was as simple as that. He loved Kara Thrace with all of his heart and every bit of his soul. He knew that things would become complicated once he tried to speak to her of his feelings but, as he walked towards the first of the junior marine bunk rooms, it was as simple as it could possibly be for him.

He opened the hatch to the bunk room without knocking and quickly surveyed the scene before him, looking for the man he had never set eyes upon before the previous night but would now never forget. As he looked around, not seeing the man in question, he thought how much easier it would be to simply have the CIC page the guy to his quarters. A great plan if he only knew the frakkers name, he thought, mentally kicking himself for his stupidity. Lee was going to have to do this one of two ways. The hard way or the harder way. He didn't feel like going from bunk room to bunk room hoping he would stumble upon him. No, he needed to narrow the field and the only way to do that suddenly came to him.

He quietly left the area before anyone started to ask him awkward questions and headed in the direction of his quarters, all the while forming his plan of action. Kara had always joked that he was a better man when he had a plan and she was right. As usual. He reached his destination quickly since the Pegasus were not the 'stop and chat with the Commanding Officer' type of crew, and punched in his access code. The door opened with a smooth hiss. He secured the hatch behind him and strode across the room to his computer terminal. Working quickly at the keyboard he pulled up a list of all Pegasus crew who had an R&R pass for the night before and narrowed it down one search criteria at a time.

Male.

Marine.

Cloud Nine.

What remained was a short list of four men. With his heart beat pounding in his ears, he pulled up each personnel file in turn with a few key strokes. As the data downloaded on the screen, a clear head shot photograph appeared with it. Nope. Not him. Definitely not him. As the third photograph left the screen, Lee found his finger poised over the enter key that would bring up the final file and photograph. What was he going to do if he did find the man?

He stood, hands clutching the chair back that stood in front of the desk and caught his reflection in the mirror on the wall. He spotted them straight away. The insignia on his lapels that symbolized his rank as Commander of this vessel. He had a responsibility to the fleet, to his ship and to his father. But he also had a obligation to Kara and a duty to ensure that justice was served. He would not tolerate, and could not afford to have, a sexual predator on board his ship. He would be following up on an incident like this no matter who the victim was he told himself with as much conviction as he could muster. He laughed cynically at the naievity of his other self as he acknowledged that he probably would have had someone else leading the investigation if it had been just about anyone else but Kara. This was very _very_ personal.

He depressed the key and waited, breath held, for the final file to appear. And in the blink of an eye, there he was. The man for whom Lee had been searching. He was no longer a nameless, faceless, mother-frakker. He was Marine Private Tim Carter, age 23, native of Tauron. He had joined the Marine Corp just six months prior to the Cylon attacks and the Pegasus had been his first commission after basic training. Poor bastard, thought Lee, trial by fire at its best. But nothing Private Carter had gone through on the Beast justified his actions Lee reminded himself as he flicked his eyes further down the data on the screen looking for his bunk assignment.

Once Lee had found and memorized the location, he raised his eyes once again to the image in the mirror. He stared into the ice blue eyes looking back at him and for a moment didn't recognize the hard as nails look that met him. Never before had he wanted to hurt another human being purely out of hatred and vengeance but every man had his breaking point and finally, having survived the annihilation of the human race with his soul intact, he had found his.

* * *

Kara stared at the reflection that met her in the mirror and once again thanked the Gods that as the CAG of Galactica, she had private quarters with private bathroom facilities. She definitely didn't like what she was seeing, bruises and bite marks that thankfully would be hidden from public view under her uniform. She briefly wondered who the frak the guy was who had inflicted these injuries and just as quickly pushed any thought of him from her mind.

It didn't matter who he was since she would never see him again if the Gods were kind. She would, however, see Lee Adama again and the thought made her heart feel heavy and tears sprang to her eyes as she looked at her broken and bruised body as he always saw her. Used goods. Unworthy. A pilot who couldn't keep her pants on.

The tears fell freely and although the bathroom was still warm from the steamy shower she had taken, she shivered uncontrollably as the anguish ripped through her. It had to stop. She had to stop. She knew it and with the last of her strength, she wrapped a towel tightly around her naked form determined that this was the very last time she would worry about Lee and his opinion of her.

She dressed with renewed purpose knowing that she was slowly destroying herself, not just physically but emotionally and as her mother always told her, no man was ever worth that much of her soul.

Little did Kara know that at that exact moment, the man who viewed himself as her soul mate was walking the corridors of the Pegasus intent on wreaking absolute vengeance in her name.


End file.
